Who’s Dictating Your Life? – Honest Reflections

People often ask me, “Noah, what was your defining moment?”. Now, I recognize that this is a very loaded question, but every time someone approaches me in need of guidance about their transition and the coming out process, the answer is always very simple.

The moment that changed my whole life was rather quick in passing, but in the grand scheme of things I wouldn’t have survived without this revelation that has propelled me deep into my ultimate purpose as a man of the trans* experience. My defining moment occurred on the day I decided that enough, was really enough.

After suffering through a massive blow-out argument with my mother about health insurance (about her decision to remove me from the family insurance plan) I made the decision that I would create my own family of chosen loved ones and stop submitting to the unhealthy death grip of disapproval I had been operating out of my entire life. The idea sounded wonderful, but the actual process of letting go of the anger, the pain, the disappointment of a mother who could no longer love me through my issues and support what I found to be the perfect solution to a life-long problem, was absolute torture.

You can’t just delete your mother out of your life, it doesn’t work that way. The same goes for any other family member that has been with you before, during, and after your transition. It’s hard accepting the fact that those who have known and cared for you since childhood aren’t always meant to be with you for the duration of your life. Also, it’s really okay if that is in fact the case.

My biggest fear about disconnecting myself from certain family and friends was the idea that I would be alone. I felt that no one could love me and care for me, or support me in times of need like the people who had raised me. I thank God that He has sent people to me who have been able to dissolve that notion completely. I took a leap of faith and was immediately surrounded by loving, caring, trustworthy people who embrace the human spirit that resides in this shell. Oh, and they happen to like the shell too.

So, I now pose this question to my WHT readers!

Who’s dictating your life?

I challenge you to take some time today to yourself, to really look at the people in your life and assess their role in your happiness and in your well-being.

It can be frightening when you come to the realization that some of the people who hold the most prized positions in your life are the one’s who are holding you back from living a 100% guilt-free life. Your power lies in recognizing that you hold the key to your own deliverance in mind, body, and spirit!

The first step to taking complete ownership of your life, your choices, and your personal truths is making your list and checking it twice…from your grandparents on down! Are the people you deem closest to you influencing your happiness, or are you creating your own happiness and allowing them the honor and privilege of sharing it with you? Once you have an accurate understanding of how your power has been distributed among family and friends make the decision to take your power back.

I really have to credit my soon-to-be wife, Ryder, for giving me the courage and nurturing I needed to take my own advice and apply this principle to my life.

The honest truth is that some people are holding positions in your life and occupying precious spaces in your heart that is keeping true love and appreciation for who you are, out! We look at family and friends and give them our most prized possession: our spirit, but we wonder why we are depressed about transitioning and burdened by the opinions of the people around us.

The honest truth is that you do have the ability to choose your family and choose your friends once you reclaim your power and set boundaries for those who wish to remain firmly planted in your life.

When you give people the power to make you happy, you expect them to create happiness for you and they will disappoint you every time. When you take ownership of your own happiness, you give others the option to share in your happiness, and it creates a free-flowing relationship that is not burdened by an overwhelming need that must be fulfilled by the people in your life. 

I cannot force my mother to accept my transition and celebrate my liberation in transitioning, rather I’ve given her the choice to either share in my happiness or make room for someone who can.

Depending on others for your ultimate happiness only locks them into a contract they will never be able to fulfill.

When you make healthy decisions such as this one, you not only make room for new people to bless your life, but you also clear the skeletons and cobwebs from the depths of your soul. It is so important to continually assess your atmosphere in order to maintain proper control of your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

When you can honestly say “I dictate my own life.” with confidence, and without an ounce of guilt, shame, or sadness…then you’ll know you are truly walking in your personal truths.

You only get one life to live as far as modern science is concerned, so please, take the time to surround yourself with friends and family who are continuously making an effort to support you, understand you, and share your happiness and liberation in transitioning.

Remember, transitioning is the healing tool utilized for those dealing with Gender Identity Dysphoria and a personal choice to walk in the identity that satisfies your soul and aligns with your spirit. What good is it to transition on the outside, but to remain in mental, emotional, and spiritual bondage due to the company you keep?

Take a leap of faith. Know your worth. Choose life and understand that being happy starts with the notion that you can acquire happiness through the choices YOU make.

In love and light,

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3 comments for “Who’s Dictating Your Life? – Honest Reflections

  1. May 20, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Noah, you have really hit the nail on the head! I was almost overwhelmed reading this, it hit SO close to home for me. Everything you said is right on, and I have experienced this same revelation. This post should be required reading for anyone who has, will or even just thought about transition. Perfect! Thanks, Jas

    • Noah
      May 20, 2012 at 9:58 pm

      I’m so glad you were able to connect and relate Jas! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

  2. Chris
    November 4, 2014 at 10:27 am

    Thank you for this reflection. Many of the things you say in this post speak so heavily to my own recent experience. Please continue to inspire!

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