7 Questions – Jessica
by Jen • • 0 Comments
We received this submission to the 7 Questions Project just before the site’s unexpected and wholly overwhelming burst of national media attention (more on that in a forthcoming post).
Jessica’s story is exactly the kind of positive narrative we don’t hear enough of, and what we want to amplify here. Thanks for your patience Jessica, and thanks for joining our family! Say hello to her on Twitter here.
1) What’s your name?
My name is Jessica, and I’m a woman.
2) Who has been most supportive of your transition?
Right now, my biggest supporter is my fiance, Jacqueline. She’s always in my corner, always supportive of whatever I need. She’s there for me when I’m not feeling great, and she’s there to fight anyone who might want to hurt me. Of course, most supportive is clearly her, my friends and my family are also super supportive. There isn’t a large gap in support in my friend network. I must say that’s been a really great feeling, knowing that my friends and family are behind me as well.
3) What do most enjoy about your life since beginning transition?
I’m not sure. My life has certainly gotten better since I transitioned, even though I’m still experiencing a lot of ups and downs. I really enjoy how much I can feel, and empathize with people, and how much I care. It was hard to feel anything before, other than anger and sadness. Now I actually do feel happy, and ecstatic, and strong. I feel like everyone matters so much more than they did before, and that I’m even one of those people who matters. At least sometimes. I guess that’s probably what I enjoy most.
4) Who are your trans role models?
Picking one is going to be impossible. In my mind I can’t choose one person to sit above them all as the most important person you should look up to. There are so many fantastic trans people in the world, and so many different and unique people in the world, that picking one as my personal role model just seems wrong. I could go through a list of famous trans men and women, or I could talk about the local trans women who write, speak, perform, plan or organize for themselves and for trans people as a whole. There are people I only known from reading their blogs and their tweets, notes, or YouTube channel, and they put themselves out there to try and make a difference, whether large or small. Any list of names I could give you would feel incomplete to me, and it would feel like I was missing someone who deserves to be recognized.
Or, maybe I’m just rambling, trying to dodge picking someone.
5) What change(s) would you most like to see in the world?
I would love to change the world, in some way. But, it’s not my passion. I do get passionate about how people are, every day, reduced to a subhuman status by someone in a position of power. I’m passionate about fighting hate and misery, and about the fact that each and every person in the world should be treated with dignity and respect. But this isn’t really my passion.
These days, I need to focus on a much smaller world. I am trying to work on myself, trying to get my mood swings under control, trying to fight the dark parts of my mind that work so hard to hate me. I am not working very hard, but I’m trying to change some of the core aspects of how I view myself; as a worthy human being, as an intelligent and capable person worthy of love, life and respect. This is the main road block to having a passion to fight for.
6) What are you doing to make those changes happen?
What do I do? For the world outside, I try and keep myself knowledgeable of what is going on in the world. I also try and spread the information to as many people as I can. I know it isn’t possible to force people to read things, or to understand them if they don’t want to, but I can make the information available. I also try and write. Writing is something which I want to be passionate about, and which I try and work toward. It’s hard, but if I keep going every day, writing something, it will get easier.
As for the inner world of my mind, I’m also working on that. Trying to balance self care, with leisure and work. Trying to fight the negative thoughts and beliefs that reside in myself. Talking about my feelings, and working through them. But, it’s not all bad. I also am getting better. Slowly, but progress is happening. Baby steps and all that.
7) Tell us something, anything, special and unique about you, your interests, your story. Never forget, gender is just one part of the larger project of becoming a fully authentic human being.
Unique? Well, I guess one of the biggest things which is actually pretty unique about myself is how accepting everyone around me has been, how loving my family has been, and how generally easy it’s been for me to take this path. Every road block I faced had more to do with my own problems, then with others stopping me. This triumph, this success story, makes me feel small, and useless at times, like I’m not really a trans woman, or I shouldn’t tell anyone, in case they find out my secret and hate me for it. Every time I was worried about something, things turned out for the best.
But, that’s such a terrible reason to be unique. I’m more than just a trans person, I’m Jessica. I’m also a huge nerd, and have been since I was a kid. I still play role playing games with friends, including live action role playing. I play video games, and can get sucked in for hours. I love computers, and have been educated in computer science. I guess that’s unique, right? I know that I’m probably the only trans woman who actually plays in my LARP, world wide. Such a nerd. But, it makes me happy, and that’s what’s important right now.